Thinking back on the reasons why I first decided to try out Oom Yung Doe, I think the reason was really simple. I think I was only looking to try out a second form of martial art that sounded cool so that it can help sharpen my skills so that way I won't embarrass myself if I do decide to enter a tournament. What I didn't expect was holistic healing-but, that's what I got.
Right now I feel healthy and vibrant, but prior to my training at the school of Oom Yung Doe, this wasn't the case. For one thing, I was a physically sick and very weak person and had been like that most of my life-but my sickness turn more mental rather than physical of late. One way to explain how practicing Moe Doe has improved my life so much, I think I would have to briefly go over my descent into "madness" the few years prior. It all started a few years ago. The process was gradual, but I found myself slowly descending into a vicious cycle of mental despair that consumed me with grief and almost took away my life, figuratively and literally. Any happy and fond memories that I have were being swallowed by my horrible mood swing. It felt like anything positive about me was being suck into a black hole.
This state of mental instability caused me to behave in strange and erratic ways, and at times I would lose it and do bizarre things that would be a reflection of the out-of-control rage I was feeling inside. I don't want to go into the details of the likes of my insane behaviors, but it was destroying my relationships with people as well. Other times, I would be so focused on something else that was agitating me that I forget to focus on what should then be the most important thing, and that end up hurting me even more. I could not see the bigger picture and channel my energy in the right direction, I wanted to stop being like how I was but I couldn't figure out how. I hated what I was becoming and fought hard to change, but it wasn't working.
I was out of school on a long medical leave and tried to use that time to recover. Finally, I came back for my last semester to finish up my degree. I had seen both a psychiatrist and a therapist, and took anti-depressant and sleeping pills for a year-and improved too somewhat, but there was still something wrong. On the surface I seem fine, but I still wasn't happy, and most of the time for no reason, I would feel strangely alone-yet I have many close friends. There were still traces of the prior mess that caused my health to deteriorate and which consumed the life-force and energy inside of me. I remember writing emails to my best friend during those years to tell her that I felt so much hatred and anger and that I thought I was losing my mind.
I found out about Oom Yung Doe walking casually by the school one day. What I got from it from practicing for just a short period of time was the long-awaited peace of mind that I fought so hard for over the past years. For one thing, things that use to upset me just doesn't have the same effect on me anymore. I wouldn't say that it doesn't bother me, but just not in the same severe way. I can see things better, and make better choices now. What other people said to me speaks for itself as well. For one thing, three weeks into practice, my instructor told me that there was already a difference in the way I was carrying myself, and that I was already starting to look more confident and carrying myself in a more positive way-that statement was second b y my therapist, who told me that she notice the exact same thing. This boy that I had seen 3 weeks into practice and 2 months into practice told me at the end of the two month that there's just something so different about me, that he had to stop and puzzle and think over whether I was actually the same person he met briefly prior. My mom notice that I have put on weigh-but considering how sickly thin I looked prior, that was definitely a good sign. Then I saw the boy who wanted nothing to do with me in the past: he kept on commenting that there is something different and good about me now that he didn't remember before. Moreover, he became interested in being together again-I refused. My aunt compared how weak, haggard and shriveled my appearance was before to how strong and fit that I looked now. Also for the first time in a long time, people are starting to tell me that I look beautiful again. I remember many years ago I use to look in the mirror and be happy with the face that I see reflected back, but felt like I've grown uglier over the years. But now I look in the mirror and I'm happy to see my reflection again.
Because of Moe Doe, I can finally come out of the state of mental and emotional void that I was in prior. One other benefit that I notice from practicing Moe Doe is simply the inspiration to be a better person. Moe Doe promotes the universal ideology of peace, respect, and actions base on principles and base on considerations for other people. These are things that my parents try to teach me growing up, but I got so resentful being nice to people who I thought were taking advantage of me that I gave up. It just make sense, if more people were more considerate of other people before they act, then the world would be a better place. Also, now I strive to perceive my surrounding better so that I can execute sound and good judgment.
So, aside from the internal changes in a happier demeanor that I notice for myself and also from all the mostly positive comments that I've gotten from practicing (I say mostly because there was one mildly negative comment where someone told my sister that she thought my thigh look too big from the muscles that I build up from training) there's just something so fun and refreshing about practicing that it has turn into a passionate hobby for me-if you find something that you love doing much, then your life has gotten so much richer. I can't change the past, but I've come to terms with it and let it all go, now I simply enjoy living, and that's saying a lot, considering where I was before that. Right now, I don't think I can ask for more.